June 6, 2007

GABBY'S SIDE OF THE STORY

Being a 13 year old, I have alot of pressure on my shoulders. Especially being the youngest out of 3 childeren. I'm expected to be the best child my parents ever had. I try my hardest to impress them, but I always fail. "Your useless." "You'll never suceed in life." "Why can't you be like your sister and brother?" "Your so stupid. What's wrong with you?" Everything I thought I would never be told in my life, was said to me right in my face. My self-esteem went rock bottom. I've never been that depressed in my life. I looked for solace to my friends. I told them. They didn't believe me. They just thought I wanted attention. None of them cared. What was wrong with me? I thought it was only me. Was it because of the way I was? Did anyone care anymore? I thought no one did. I wanted to die. Badly.

Soon I remember watching tv, "Helena" came on. I heard of My Chemical Romance before, never thought I would listen to them. I never liked them because they looked.....'goth.' When I saw it, I found myself smile. Something I didn't do in such a long time. I thought, "If they make me smile. Maybe they really are cool after all." I started listening to them alot more. I got way into them. Then I started researching on the guys. Reading what their mission was really struck me. They wanted to SAVE LIVES. 'Wow,' I thought, 'They care so much.'

A few weeks later, I've felt worse then ever. My parents started to ignore everything I've said to them. They even started yelling, screaming, cursing at me for everything I said. My friends didn't care about me. My brother and sister didn't care either. I thought no one cared.

Later that night I had a suicide note in my hand and a knife in the other. I was so freaking desperate to escape the earth. Before I put it in me I felt something, or someone, smack me across the face. That was when I thought, "Gerard was going to kill himself. But he made it through. He fought his problems. Why can't I be brave enough to face my problems?" I sat up and looked at my pictures of them on my wall. Then it struck me, They've been through so many problems in their lives. They've fought it. They've made it. And here I am about to kill myself. What's wrong with me?

"Pissing your life away on suicide is f**k bull-shit," Gerard once said.

He was right. I shouldn't. I can't.

"Live life like it's your last day on earth."
"Live life to the fullest."

I felt like they were speaking to me. They were telling me, "Don't kill yourself. You have a whole life ahead of you. Don't leave the earth just now. You're still young. Live it. Don't leave it. Just live it."
I put the knife on the bedside table, threw out the note, and blasted MCR so loud so that no one could hear me balling my eyes out. Their music spoke to me. They saved my life.

What I'm trying to say is that My Chemical Romance doesn't want to promote self harm. They want to help their fans. Like they helped me.

They speak to me through their music. I seek solace through them. Their one of my only sources of happiness. They make me happy and well. Their the reason why I wake up everyday, and looking foreward to the day. When I feel in the worst mood in my life, I listen to them. And I feel better then ever. Ever since that day. I've never hurt myself. Sure I was close to, but I always failed to hurt myself. You know why? I feel like I hear Mikey, Gerard, Frank, Ray, and Bob speak to me. I feel like their holding me back. I hear them talk to me, wanting me to live. I feel like they don't want me to leave the earth. They want me to live. Sometimes I believe that they're the only ones that want me to be alive. But that helps, at least I know that someone cares.

My Chemical Romance may wear black. They may have SOME depressing music. But that doesn't mean anything. Have you people ever seen them besides the music? They smile. Their happy people. Their glad to be alive. Their glad that they save their fans lives. Why? Their main goal as a band was to save lives. What's bad about that? Nothing. They'd do anything but to hurt their fans. That wasn't their intention.

That's my story. Hopefully it changes some of your minds.

- Gabby, 13, New Jersey