June 7, 2007


It all began in the sixth grade before I even heard of a band called My Chemical Romance. My life seemed completely wrong, like I was screaming on the inside and no one even heard me, or even cared. This was about six years after my parents divorce, and I was finally feeling the effects of it all. Losing my favorite dog, my brother and I were constantly fighting, and my mother and stepfather were having big fights. My mother was constantly getting drunk, which I had dealt with since I was 8, was very depressing. Once my mother started heavily drinking I had never seen her cry until then, which hurt seeing my mother cry, a lot considering I was supposed to look up to her. My dad didn't have a girlfriend or wife at the time so he was lonely a lot, so I tried to be supportive of him.

Once it was around the time I turned 11 I realized how horribly wrong my life seemed, to put it in the simplest words, I was sick of dealing with this stuff. At school, I had plenty of friends, but eventually they all turned on me and told me they were faking being my friend the whole time, I got on everyone's nerves, and I didn't get the best grades no matter how I tried. I grew up being called ugly and fat, including when my mom would drink she would call me stupid, push me around, and say I was ugly and that I couldn't do anything right, and that I was useless to her. So at that point I decided that it was a fact that I no longer mattered to anyone anymore since my brother got all the attention and love from my family so I started abusing myself. The nights my mom would get drunk, I felt sorry for her because I thought she had no way out of how my stepfather criticized her and myself no matter what I did, so I would cut my wrists to the point that I was bleeding like crazy trying to take the pain away, which for the first or two it took the pain away partly. I wore those bracelets to hide the cuts and lots of long sleeve shirts. I then stopped eating food completely, I had gained a lot of weight, through to seventh grade I had lost a lot of weight since I quit eating . Then my stepmother came into the picture and everything was happening at once, they got married within five months of meeting each other, and plenty of other things occurred over that concept.

When it was the very end of 6th grade was when I heard of My Chemical Romance's album Three cheers for sweet revenge, I thought it was a load of bull considering the singer was giving out this message, but he was messed up himself. So I continued the cutting, starving, and suicidal attempts. Once I turned 13 I started feeling better about myself, and when I heard that Gerard had gotten clean and sober, I then had decided that I wanted to quit abusing myself, and try to be a normal teenager excluding the abuse. By then I had gone through lots of prayer, and listening MCR. I started making and keeping friends, and guys started to like me a little more and quit calling me ugly and fat. People actually told me I looked really good at times, I lost more weight over the summer, the healthy way, and dyed my hair darker, and started wearing clothes that fit me better, and were darker and described more of who I was on the inside. Now, I am 14 a freshman in high school and having an excellent life with friends, and boyfriends, my family has gotten along a lot better, my brother and I are practically best friends, and my mother quit drinking. I still have stress,and emotional difficulties at times, but instead of abusing myself, I solve my problems in a more positive way then self-abuse. The main reason why I quit was because of My Chemical Romance. So I am truly proud to say that My Chemical Romance did actually save my life.