June 6, 2007

KATE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

Fact: My Chemical Romance saves lives. How do you know? I'm still breathing.

I've been thinking how to put this into words. And the truth is, I can't. Anything I write will just be an awful attempt at showing how much this band means to me. Infact, they are not just a band. They are my inspiration, my motivation, the reason I'm still breathing. They are my life. The life they saved. They saved my mind and my soul. Yes, this is going to sound somewhat of a cliche but, My Chemical Romance saved my life.

I first discovered My Chem when I was 9. At this time I was suffering from anorexia. I had a ridiculous amount of self hatred. Everyday I would look in the mirror and hate what I saw. I felt that no one was there, that no one would ever be there. No one in the world understood and they never would. Half of the things that occupied my mind seemed to be suicide. If someone could read my mind all they would hear would be a long endless sceam. Endless. It didn't have to be endless. I could just end it all. And this is where My Chemical Romance came in. My brother's friend had lent him I Brought You My Bullet, You Brought Me Your Love. I guess the title caught my eye, so I listened to it. The first song that really hit me was Early Sunsets Over Monroeville. It perfectly described what I was feeling. It made me feel like I wasn't alone. it gave me strength to carry on.

So I carried on living and I carried on listening to 'Bullets. Then when Three Cheers' came out I bought that too. I hung on their every word and I was fine. Then in the void between Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge and The Black Parade I sunk back into depression. This time it wasn't anorexia, but bulimia. I also started self harming. I withdrew myself from everything. My friends. My family. They hated what I had become, and so did I. I started fighting with my parents and friends. I would come into school some days and not being able to say a word because I had lost my voice from screaming with my parents. I pushed everyone away from me. I just completely broke down. Everyone at school hated me and they would remind me of that pratically everyday. I just didn't care about anything anymore. I started to fail everything at school and got put on report twice. So everything at school had gone down the drain. And then at home, I was constantly being reminded of how much of a "little shit" I was, or how I was "destroying the social structure of the family".

I guess my parents had always been quite heavy drinkers. I had never seen them as alcoholics though. But then my mum started to abuse me. This was my all time low. There was nohting worth living for. I would staying awake all night and just cry and cut until there was nothing left. But then, my saviours came again. The Black Parade was released and I remember sitting in my room in the middle of the night listening to Disenchanted. I remember how I first felt when I heard Gerard Way sing "It was the roar of the crowd that gave me heartache to sing." It made me realise that I wanted to do something with my life. I could get past this, just like he and his bandmates had got past all the problems that they had had in the past. Every time you listen to their music it takes everything away from you, all you anger and stress and unhappiness is taken away, there is nothing but you and the music and you relate to the music so well and it seems like every single word has its own special meaning to you Like the music was made for you, you think of everything that My Chemical Romance stands for and how you want to be part of it. Every time you listen to it you feel like screaming the words at the top of your lungs so the whole world can hear. Like a big F*CK YOU to the world, to tell them that you don't care what they think anymore, that you are proud of who you are. Its just you and the music and thats all that matters. It makes you feel better about yourself and that you are not alone because they will always be there. And when you feel like there is nothing left, they can help you. They don't even know who you are but they can touch your soul in a way you would never believe possible.

My Chemical Romance is my shoulder to lean on. And isn't it funny how 5 people can change the way you look at 6.6 billion others? Not funny really, just truly and utterly amazing, because thats what they are. And they always will be.

- Kate, 13, London