June 6, 2007

MARYSA'S SIDE OF THE STORY

When I was younger I was a happy kid, even though my parents were divorced. I lived with my dad and stepmom, my two step sisters and my brother. My brother and I had always gotten along really well, so whenever I needed him he was there. We moved to Florida when I was in 2nd grade and I couldn't have been happier. But the longer we lived there the more screwed up things got. I only saw my mom on Christmas and Easter, sometimes during the summer too. I hated to fly but I had to do it a lot and I soon got sick of it. It was our third year in Florida, I had great friends and even though I was too young to really realize it, I wasn't happy anymore. I finally told my mum that I didn't want to live with my dad anymore, because with my stepmom around my dad never payed attention to me and my brother. My mother, of course, was all for the idea of me living with her. But my dad wasn't. He yelled at me for being so careless, and told me I didn't care about his feelings. Of course I did care about his feelings but he wasn't a good father anymore.

Half way through fifth grade the family moved back to Pennsylvania, I guess my dad thought I just didn't like Florida and I wanted to move back home. I did want to move back home but that wasn't the reason I wanted to live with my mum. After telling my dad and my mum this, the two decided to go to court. Yes, I went to court at the age of ten because my parents couldn't make a damn decision. So the court thing didn't go so well in my favor because my parents just kept telling lies about each other. My dad said how much my mum actually hated me and wanted my brother more. My mum said that my dad used to threaten her, and I couldn't take it anymore. My dad yelled a lot more and it seemed like my stepmom was being more of a bitch than normal.

It was sixth grade by then and I was at Upper Perkiomen Middle School, the kids there were awful. My friends weren't really my friends and the upperclassmen made fun of me because I didn't dress right. I got into fights with my dad almost daily about my grades and how dissapointed he was in me. I was never good enough for him. He told me that I had cold blood and stopped telling me he loved me. That was when I became depressed. I stayed away from kids in school and I didn't go anywhere except for Bible Study and then I quit that too. I couldn't even talk to my brother anymore cause he had taken my dad's side. After what seemed like forever the court said I could choose who I wanted to live with, so I went to stay with my mother. Everything was so much better at first. Most of the kids in my private school were alright and I had friends again. But my mom and stepdad started fighting and then the two of them would take it out on me. I didn't know what to do. If it was just as bad here than it was at my dads then what was the point?

Soon after I found out my stepdad didn't think my mum and I were good enough, but she forgave him when he said he didn't really mean it, he was just mad. I didn't buy into it but whatever right? Everything got worse from there. One of my "friends" tried to steal my boyfriend behind my back and then deny it when I found out. Then of course my boyfriend breaks up with me over the stupidest thing. I started to think I wasn't good enough for anyone. I graduated eigth grade with three friends and knew I would be going to highschool with someone I hated.

That summer I started cutting. I knew it was a bad idea and if my parents found out, they would probably kill me, but I did it anyway. If my parents noticed anything small, I told them it was from the cats, and they bought it. Then I heard My Chemical Romance. It was one of the days when I was just searching random music online and they popped up. From the looks of the lead singer I was thinking "Great another shitty rock band that wears makeup" but that wasn't the case. The song I heard was about not caring what other people thought. It was telling me that even though I'm not okay, I will be okay if I hang on. Most people hated My Chem back then and I loved them. I didn't care that they dressed funny and wore makeup or that their music was so harsh, it was beautiful to me. I started high school really nervous about everything. I hoped I could keep to their standards and be a good student. But then I realized that I didn't need to be who they wanted me to be. I had to be who I wanted to be. That meant going against the rules sometimes, I mean what are they going to do if they find out I have a tattoo?

My Chemical Romance taught me to care about who I am, and taught me to respect myself. I stopped cutting and I don't plan on going back to that. I can take pain like anything now though, and my next tattoo is going to be a tribute to My Chemical Romance. Without them, I doubt I would be alive today. I get the chance everyday to kill myself or go against myself in anyway and I don't do it because it's not the right thing to do. I know that MCR saving lives has pretty much become a cliche now but I don't give a fuck. Because for me it really is true. I don't get along with any of the girls at my school, save a few, but I don't care anymore. If they can't accept me for who I am then that's their problem.

With a My Chemical Romance song in the morning, I can make it through another day, no matter what goes wrong. I love My Chem for saving my life. I love them for being who they are. And I love them for not giving a fuck what people say about them. They really are a band that will save your life. I owe them everything, and supporting this site is only one small way to help repay them. Because of them I am not afraid to keep on living.

- Marysa, 15, Pennsylvania