May 8, 2008

CHELSEA'S SIDE OF THE STORY

First off I if you are reading this then I would like to thank you for taking the time to do so. There are an infinite number of things you could be doing insted of this so it means a lot to me that you are actually reading it.

This isn't a story with a happy ending, one where I found MCR and everything was suddenly fine, but then again my story isn't over yet.

I don't remember a time when I was actually happy with my life. I have always been fake, always been forced to cover up the pain. For the sake of the people I love I have and still do pretend to be in love with life and like there is never anything wrong. I tried once to turn to a friend, someone who I though would understand, someone who I trusted not to judge me because of this emotions. At first she tried to understand, she was sympathetic, but the further down I sank into depression the more she seperated herself from me. I realize that she just wanted to fit in and that she could never do that if she hung out with someone like me.

I used to have "normal" hair and wear "normal" clothes and I forced myself to be a conformist clone because I thought that was my only option. The more fake I made myself the more I hated myself for being to much of a coward to be who I am. And the more I hated myself the worse the pain got and the harder it was for me to pretend to be okay. This is where MCR comes in.

My dad had download Teenagers and one day I decided to check out more of their songs. The more songs I listend to the more I wanted to here. It wan't an instant reaction, nothing like "Oh wow these guys really get me.", but I knew that there was something special about them so that very same day I bought every single one of their songs that was sold on iTunes. I listened to the music for a while just like it was from any other band. I was detached and only listened because I liked the way it sounded. At can't say exactly when, but at some point I started to actually hear the songs. For the first time I heard the words and from that moment on something changed.

This man, who I had learned was named Gerard Way, was telling me to be myself and to be unashamed of who I was. He was telling me not to give a crap what other people thought and he was showing me that I was not alone, other people felt my pain and there was nothing abnormal about me. But he wasn't just singing these words, he meant it.

This was the first time in my life that I had ever felt like someone understood me and empathized with me. And not a day has passed when I don't think of what a wonderful thing these men have done for me and done for the world.

Since discovering MCR I have cut my hair how I wanted to cut it, I wear the clothes that I want to wear, and I listen to the music that I want to listen to. Yes people have called me "emo", yes I have been called a "freak", I've lost some of my friends (but then again I suppose they were never really my friends to begin with), and yes people have even accused me of cutting, but none of that matters to me anymore. I have begun to realize, with help from MCR of course, that these things that people say don't mean anything. They only try to hurt me because they don't understand why I would want to be different.

As I said this story doesn't have a happy ending. It is happier than the begining but still not happy. I still am forced to hide my feelings, and I still am full of pain and sorrow, but when I get my lowest I know that I will always have someone to look to, someone who understands, and someone who won't judge me for being me.

That is my story and if you have gotten this far I would once again like to that you for reading and I hope that you are not afraid to go out there and show the world the real you because no matter how much people tease you the only thing you have to remember is that the most important thing is that you are happy with yourself.

Chelsea, 15, New York