July 8, 2008


In april of 2007 I was at my lowest point. I felt nobody loved me and no one would give a shit if I died. So thats what I tried to do. I took about 50 wellbutrin and 40 zoloft hoping to end my life. I took the pills at around 10;30 at night. At about 2 in the mornig I started to throw up. My mom heard me and took me to the hostpital.

I was so out of it from the meds I couldn't tell her what I did. They tried to pump my stomach but the drugs had already set in. It was the most terrible thing that ever happened to me. I felt like I was already dead but I knew I wasnt so I tried to finish what I had strted by just giving up. I gave up and fell into unconsiossness.

While I was in the coma I kept thinking about my life and how I had lived it. I'm only 13 so I didnt get to do much in my life short life span.

Then I had a dream about the MCR concert I had gone to just 5 days earlier. I dreamt that they were playing and then the whole crowd fell silent and Gerard turned to me in the pit and said "Dont piss your life away on suicide. You have so much to do. Just wake up and I promise everything will get better. Be yourself, don't take anyones shit and never let them take you alive..."

When I woke up I told my mom what happened and she was devastated that I would do something like that. There was nothing to do for the two weeks I was in the hospital so I listened to music. When I put on MCR only then did I realize that they had truly saved my life.